


When you walk in smelling like her perfume

by Valkrist (Anouk_Tyrell)



Series: Peaky Blinders Rare Pair Bingo 2020 [12]
Category: Peaky Blinders (TV)
Genre: Bonds, F/M, Feelings, Sad, Songfic, Telepathy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-19
Updated: 2020-08-19
Packaged: 2021-03-06 01:54:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,710
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25995577
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Anouk_Tyrell/pseuds/Valkrist
Summary: May had never thought this necklace would mean so much to her one day. It hadn’t been much more than a lovely gesture back then, a little present, a joke. Something that looked lovely and united them. Even the telepathy coming with it didn’t seem intimate back then, being a lovely side effect. Oh, how easy it had been back then…Back then we she hadn’t known the man Tommy was and would become. When she hadn’t known the way things would develop, that they were different souls, after all. Apparently she had always been the more soulful one, the one who cared more about other people and did everything not to hurt them. Was afraid when others weren’t. Blessing or curse?
Relationships: May Carleton/Tommy Shelby, Tatiana Petrovna/Tommy Shelby
Series: Peaky Blinders Rare Pair Bingo 2020 [12]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1837063
Kudos: 5
Collections: Peaky Blinders Rare Pair Bingo 2020





	When you walk in smelling like her perfume

**Author's Note:**

  * For [boundinshallows (museme87)](https://archiveofourown.org/users/museme87/gifts).



> Thank you so much for organizing this rare pair bingo <3 seriously, this is the only reason why so many of my fics exist ... and the reason why I try writing all this ships. 
> 
> This is for the "bonds" prompt, one idea slightly inspired by Shadowhunters Season 3B cause I finally finished watching it, hooray :D and it‘s also inspired by the song "Funny Girl" by Laura Rizzotto. Knew that I have to make a fic out of it when I listened to it.
> 
> Enjoy!

_Ain't it funny, ain't it funny_

_Oh, it all started as a joke_

_But now I'm falling, now I'm falling_

_The punch line is getting old_

_'Cause I've been keeping to myself_

_For way too long, yeah_

May had never thought this necklace would mean so much to her one day. It hadn’t been much more than a lovely gesture back then, a little present, a joke. Something that looked lovely and united them. Even the telepathy coming with it didn’t seem intimate back then, being a lovely side effect. Oh, how easy it had been back then…

Back then we she hadn’t known the man Tommy was and would become. When she hadn’t known the way things would develop, that they were different souls, after all. Apparently she had always been the more soulful one, the one who cared more about other people and did everything not to hurt them. Was afraid when others weren’t. Blessing or curse?

She still couldn’t find the answer to that question. As proud as she was of herself when she prevented harm, it was so easy to harm oneself being such a person, slowly diving into slightly altruistic situations. Seeing feelings where they weren’t, such an easy way to burn until there was nothing more left. Sometimes a smile could be enough and lull her into beautiful daydreams, dreams that couldn’t possibly become reality, never.

_Ain't it funny, ain't it funny_

_I made you laugh every time we spoke_

_I locked my heart in hesitation_

_But somehow, you cracked the code_

“What is it, eh?“

They didn’t voice things that often anymore, using their telepathy even when they were alone, so it was surprising when Tommy did it nevertheless. Nearly felt important in a way it shouldn’t. He didn’t give much significance to it, so she shouldn’t do it either.

Tommy always pretended to be happy, using smiles and chuckles as a disguise, but May knew what was happening behind this facade. Nothing good, especially when he started to distract her so that she wouldn’t even notice it…

She tried not to grow attached to him, but was it even possible after all the years? After they had spent so much time together, talking and sharing thoughts, hugging and laughing? All of it was somehow beautiful, she cherished this moments as much as their connection, still tracing the necklace unconsciously.

 _Could ask you the same question_. It was so much easier not to say it aloud, just letting him know without moving her lips. The smile she got as an answer was bittersweet, just a way to hide the truth. She would have to wait until one day he would maybe tell her everything. But for now it was alright to simply smile and sit their, laughing at their jokes.

Tommy could make her tell him everything - and she could make him laugh in return. He could laugh with all his heart, sometimes it was even more beautiful than everything else that brought them together. More beautiful than his lips touching hers, fingers interlocked, an arm around her waist. Maybe this was exactly what she needed, what _they_ needed.

_You're looking at her, she's looking at you_

_I'm falling apart, what can I do_

_To make you feel that way about me too? Yeah, yeah_

May couldn’t say if she loved or hated this kind of parties anymore.

As much as she enjoyed the company of other people, they were double-edged swords. A mixture of lovely conversations and people she wanted to avoid, experiences that weren’t good for her.

May sat down, letting her eye wander. There was something soothing about the dim lighting, all the people looking rather relaxed and content. Chatting, drinking, dancing, it was a lovely sight. The whole atmosphere could’ve allured her, if it weren’t for Tommy. Took her less than a second to see him in this crush - and one second more to realize who was with him.

A part of her wanted to interrupt them, simply use their connection and ask him all this questions she had. Questions that would distract him until Tatiana, the woman on his lap, would break away from him, not wanting someone who didn’t give her his full attention. She didn’t know that much about her, being honest, but she could feel her energy when the two of them locked gazes. Her seductive glances consumed Tommy, without a doubt.

Would he feel the same way about her if she followed Tatiana’s example and caressed his neck, letting her fingers slip under his shirt placket. It was obvious what she was aiming for - and even more obvious that Tommy would let her, would enjoy every second of it, forgetting about all the other people in his life.

May looked at the gin in her hand. _Distilled for the eradication of seemingly incurable sadness_. Well, she could only hope that that there was something about this promise, at least.

_And it's getting hard, I'm not gonna lie_

_To keep in the dark all I'm feeling inside_

_When you walk in smelling like her perfume_

_What was I thinking?_

_I'm just the funny girl to you_

As much as she would’ve loved it, the hugs would never mean anything - it nearly made her cry.

May nuzzled Tommy’s neck, smelling this both beautiful and heartbreaking scent. Tommy’s cologne mixed with another perfume, a female one. Maybe this Chanel No. 5, jasmine and cinnamon rose. Wasn’t it funny that some people also called it the rose of May? As if they wanted to make fun of her, mocking her until she would collapse … but she wouldn’t give them this kind of satisfaction, never.

There were many women it could belong to, but there were only two things that mattered. First, it surely belonged to Tatiana. Second, it definitely didn’t belong to her. Tommy had never promised her anything, not directly, but it didn’t mean that she couldn’t feel the pain. Didn’t mean she couldn’t cry, realizing how all of his movements were teasing her. False hopes creating a beautiful picture.

She couldn’t tear her eyes away from him. Why did he still have to look that trustworthy, even if she knew he wasn’t? Maybe it was because there was a certain softness to his rather sharp features. Maybe it was his ruffled hair, maybe the tattoo with the sun rays on his chest. Maybe it were his fingers slowly stroking her back, making her feel home for a second.

And maybe, maybe she should be happy with what she had for once.

_Can you feel me, can you feel me_

_Like a fire rising in the smoke?_

_Can you hear me, can you hear me_

_Open up with every note?_

_'Cause I've been playing to myself_

_For way too long_

Tommy surely wouldn’t have known about her success at the derby if he weren’t in the same business, if she hadn’t told him about it.

But there he was, standing behind her, one arm wrapped around her waist, a cigarette in his other hand. Took a drag and blowing the smoke out of his mouth while talking to her. _I’m so proud of you, that’s amazing_. Nobody else could hear his words, it was fascinating how it was only the jewelry bringing them together.

What beautiful words to say, complimenting and mocking her at the same time. He couldn’t be _that_ proud, probably still thought about Tatiana. Maybe she was the reason for him showing up that late. May couldn’t see other evidence, no ruffled hair or crumpled-up shirt, but it didn’t mean that she had to be wrong. It would’ve been so easy to fix it all, just taking off the necklace and cutting their connection. She wouldn’t have to hear his words anymore…

But why should she do it if he did not? No need to be the first one to withdraw.

_Oh I, I tore down my walls and I wrecked the ceiling_

_Ready to bare it all_

_What was I thinking?_

She had opened up, told him about all this things others shouldn’t know. What her husband’s death had done to her, what a burden it all was, what she felt for him. It was not an easy kind of revelation, even after all the things they had done together, having been so close to each other.

But why didn’t it help this time? Why didn’t she feel the same warmth as before, still being locked in Tommy’s arms, covered by a soft duvet?

 _You look so beautiful, do you know that?_ Of course she did, having bought this beautiful red dress for him above all. A figure-enhancing piece, maybe one of the best she had ever worn. A color that reminded her of the crackling open fire, of Tommy’s lazy, hot kisses on her neck. One day this man would make her go insane, peppering her skin with them, his lips soft and pliant.

 _Don’t stop_ , she begged, _don’t stop_.

_So tell me what you're looking for_

_I promise you, I got it all_

_What does it take to make you see?_

_I am right here_

He didn’t respect her enough. What a cruel thing to say to oneself, but May had to admit that it was necessary. That it was just a truth needed to be said, not only realized subconsciously.

She didn’t know what else to do. All the lovely words, her appearance, it all hadn’t helped, all for nothing. Was there another way to earn his respect, to make him forget about other women?

 _Where are you?_ She didn’t get an answer. Wherever he was, he probably didn’t care about her. Was too occupied with another lady, maybe even Tatiana. She surely knew how to seduce him, how to make him feel wanted without too many complicated feelings involved. It was another way to deal with desires, one that made the two of them fit together.

As much as it hurt, maybe one day she would finally be able to let him go - maybe even without tearing off the necklace she had wrapped her fingers around.

_And if you ever need to cry_

_I'll be the one to make you laugh_

_Yeah, I'll be your funny girl_

_Funny girl_

**Author's Note:**

> Sorry for this rather sad mood, my friends.  
> (Muse, I hope you aren't angry with me for dedicating such a sad fic to you? It‘s just that you‘re such a Tommy/May shipper and indirectly made me write them...)  
> If you need a happy ending, look at it from this pov: Even if they aren't happy and cuddling, May is starting to realize how toxic it is and might become an even more beautiful woman, eh? <3


End file.
